short funny affirmations

You can tune a guitar, but you cant tuna fish. Adventures in Dating: Memoirs of a Single Mom, Adventures in Dating: Memoirs of Midlife Relationships, Did you know that having a good sense of humor is very important when it comes to social interaction? - Christopher Reeve. 255. To thrive in life you need three bones. I dont need validation from others to know Im killing it. 1. Im thinking like a proton, always positive. And their purpose certainly isn't to minimize hard feelings. Be yourself; everyone else is already taken. Marriage is like a walk in the park, Jurassic Park. Wouldnt exercise be more fun if calories screamed while you burned them? 154. 211. 56. 164. Funny affirmation quotes funny quotes about affirmation. Absorb these 41 positive quotes and positive affirmations and start feeling positive now! "Your mistakes don't define you.". 275. 118. We all have different and distinctive senses of humor thats what makes us such unique individuals. I don't entertain negativity in any shape or form. 94. "If you're going to tell people the truth, be funny or they'll kill you.". Not everyone has to like me. Yes, officer, I saw the speed limit, I just didnt see your car. I am strong and getting stronger every day. Snowballs. I deserve sugar, spice, and all things nice. 153. Whatever the case may be, these 15 affirmations will make you feel confident in your sense of humor: Once youre feeling happy and confident about your sense of humor, use these 35 affirmations to navigate challenging situations with a smile. 52. As you walk down the fairway of life you must smell the roses, for you only get to play one round. I overcome fears by following my dreams. Alright, get in the basket.. Finding humor in a difficult situation helps me win. Find a short calm and peaceful moment in your day and use it for setting your mindset up for happiness. Once you're feeling happy and confident about your sense of humor, use these 35 affirmations to navigate challenging situations with a smile. There are endless opportunities. It may feel useless but just get into it. I am changing all my useless things into something productive by working on them. I will create my own magic like my name is J. K. Rowling. 59. My wallet is like an onion, opening it makes me cry. We have a connection. Use them throughout the day whenever you experience negative thoughts. Following my intuition and my heart keeps me safe and sound. I am transforming into someone who is outgoing and makes others laugh. 241. I am joyful for achieving the ones I did. It makes them so damned mad. Stay focused and consistent, and youll start noticing the healing powers of humor and fun. Always follow your heart, but remember to bring your brain along. Take a look! Well, I guess I have to be odd to be number one. Never take life seriously. Today, I am thankful for this week. Socrates. I am calm, patient and at peace. 101. Sarcasm is a tool of highly intelligent people and if youre one of them (I bet you are), youre going to love these funny affirmations that are filled with humor and sarcasm. If you just want to keep reading, then heres some affirmations about the funny side of friendship. 47. It equates "weight loss" with thoughts like: I can. 137. We have divided these daily funny affirmations in these sections; Also check out our post ondaily affirmations for womenandaffirmations for menthat can help you to feel motivated and reshape your limiting beliefs. 271. 1. Short Positive Affirmations "I Am" Affirmations. Short Positive Affirmations set the pace for your day. Erma Bombeck If you think nobody cares if youre alive, try missing a couple of car payments. Im not running away from hard work, Im too lazy to run. I stick to things until I get to my destination. I try to see the funny side of every situation. Make the statements about yourself and for yourself. "In life only one thing is certain, Friday will come.". If you think women are the weaker sex, try pulling the blanket back to your side. Go to bed with satisfaction.". 39 funny positive affirmations. But this shouldnt be a problem, as you can come up with your own humorous affirmations. 5. Exercise? "Sometimes the best part of my job is that the chair swivels.". These kinds of things just come with the territory if youre trying to live a meaningful life. You may have people laugh at you instead of with you. 8. My house was clean yesterday, sorry you missed it. May your coffee be strong and your Monday productive. "When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.". no rich foods. The world is missing some pizzazz. And one of the fundamental truths in life is that they will make . My six pack is protected by a layer of fat. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, sharks for the wifes mother. Its called tomorrow. 20. 8. On Mercury, a day lasts 1,408 hours. Required fields are marked *. Also read: 50+ Powerful Positive Affirmations For Exams. - Catherine Pulsifer. 12. 127. "Age is of no importance unless you're a cheese.". 263. Our toaster has two settings: too soon or too late. "Start each day with a positive thought and a grateful heart.". Effective pushing often involves poop. Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. The library, because it has so many stories. 18. "My funny vibes attract my happy tribe.". To the guy who created imaginary numbers in math: I hate you. Im sorry, but thats just the way I am. Even on my worst days, turning on some stand up immediately puts me in a better mood. I said yes, which turned out to be the right answer. Start your day on a positive and lighter note with these funny daily affirmations and quotes to get you through. Self-worth has nothing to do with clothing size. Read the first word again. Can February march? Hes dreaming too. Youre just gonna feel embarrassed for a minute or two and then it will be over. I sometimes might be too much, but I am always enough. 2. Love your enemies. 278. 210. Every day, read them aloud for the best results. It is, therefore, safe to say that, sense of humor can help you become successful in whatever you choose to do in life. 10. I love myself, which is why I dont need to love the idea of other people loving me. Most of the articles that Ive written about affirmations are about more serious topics: Lets keep things a little lighter in this article shall we? Even if you dont consider yourself a funny person, you should never be afraid to express your unique humor. -Katrina Bowden. Happiness is a choice. Never test how deep the water is with both feet. 131. We'll get to that later. Youll probably grin or laugh if you say these affirmations aloud, thinking youre crazy. He who wakes up early, yawns all day long. Ive got three bones. Why did the can crusher quit his job? Everyone brings happiness to this office. Its called tomorrow. But a little chocolate now and then doesnt hurt. Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again? 56. I can create positive change in the world. Wake up and smell the birdshit on your windshield. I love my computer because all my friends live inside it. God heals, and the doctor takes the fees. You can write them down and use them whenever you're attending a social event or if you simply just want to make yourself laugh. I can have peace, even when people irritate me.. You can't wait for inspiration. Bill Murray I have no time to worry; I have to be awesome. Erma Bombeck. 9. I am grateful for all that I have. Ive been doing nothing for years. Tact is the ability to tell someone to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the journey. I tell you what always catches my eye. 174. I intend to live forever. Whats the difference between a guitar and a fish? You can simply try out one of our funny options, or think of affirmations that best match your sense of humor. 66. Not everyone has good taste., 3. My feelings are just like acquaintances, they come and go. 258. Sometimes the M is silent. When they go away, its a brighter day. [click_to_tweet tweet=I can always think of something funny to say. quote=I can always think of something funny to say. theme=style4], 2023 Oldtown Publishing LLC 479 State Route 17 N 270. I am my childs greatest comfort. The dyslexic devil worshipper sold his soul to Santa. Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? Boost your ego and narcissism in as little as 5 minutes per day and set yourself up for success. 196. 133. 257. As long as I have friends as weird as me, I have everything. Short people with an umbrella. Never let a fool kiss you, or a kiss fool you. 112. 141. 158. There might be affiliate links on this page, which means we get a small commission of anything you buy. Never let anyone waste your time twice. Sincerely, the floor. This is the beauty of funny affirmations. 1. If youre looking for a way to brighten your day and amp up your attitude, youve come to the right place. 220. Lily Tomlin, 242. 134. In between, I am alive., 7. Ann Landers, 244. I have a lot to offer. Im not insulting you. I lost some weight once, but I found it again in the fridge. 38. When I grow up to be a parent, my children will think the same about me. I am finding fun and joy in everything I do and everywhere I go. 20. Dont give up on your dreams so soon, sleep longer. My wife and I were happy for 20 years, then we met. I dont suffer from insanity. "I am becoming humorous day by day.". Life gives the test first and then the lesson. Robert A. Heinlein, 243. 192. I live in a loving, nurturing, safe, and beautiful world. The early bird catches the worm, eats more and dies sooner. 240. So, you promise yourself from tomorrow on, youll be starting your days using affirmations. 200. 218. I said yes, which turned out to be the right answer. 201. health is important. The chains on my mood swing just snapped. Oh sheet!. - Unkmown. I get up, dress up, and show up. This is because, in order to be funny, there are certain details that need to be perfectly delivered. 166. When the past comes knocking, dont answer. 4. If you enjoyed reading these funny positive affirmations, make sure to bookmark this page for future reference, and share your favorite affirmations with your friends and family. Read next: 45 Self-Compassion Affirmations to Practice when Feeling Low. I make people laugh, whether its with me or at me., 8. It's why you may feel excinervous (aka excited and nervous at the same time). Superwoman: single. Im multitasking: I can listen, ignore and forget at the same time. When they go away, its a brighter day. If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the up button. 11. You never know what you have, until you clean your closet. 278. Papercut: A trees final moment of revenge. Im in desperate need of a 6-month vacation, twice a year. If I lose my hopes, I am afraid my mom will still scold me for taking it out and showing it to friends. Being funny seems to be taking less effort. You can only be young once. 49. Why is England the wettest country? 78. A committee is a group that keeps the minutes and loses hours. 57. 206. 107. Live life to the fullest. 180. I will not let my mind be a bully to my body. 91. 179. Sarcasm is a tool of highly intelligent people and if you're one of them (I bet you are), you're going to love these funny affirmations that are filled with humor and sarcasm.I'm sure you've heard a lot about affirmations, what they do and why you should start using them daily.They are a powerful to. Theres no stopping me now. My body deserves healthy food and exercise, not junk food or laziness. If you have crazy friends you have everything youll ever need. A committee is a group that keeps the minutes and loses hours. If you want flowers on February 14, plant them now., 6. Learn sign language, its very handy. Heres a list of important things to consider: Choosing the perfect affirmation from our list isnt much different. You dont have to be crazy to be my friend, but it helps. Remember, no one can make you feel anything other than what YOU allow yourself. Franklin Jones, 259. Send me the link. Stressed spelled backwards is desserts. Dont forget that you get 24 hours, even on your worst day. Bill Murray Be careful when you follow the masses. 226. Please do your own research before making any online purchase. 54. I wasnt mad, but now that you asked me 7 times if Im mad.. yes, Im mad! Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain. Im so good at sleeping that I can do it with my eyes closed. If you think nothing is impossible, try slamming a revolving door. Home: Where I can look ugly and not care. Envelope. My chins are a stairway to heaven. 209. People who talk behind my back are getting a great view. 1. Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? 150. You kill vegetarian vampires with a steak to the heart. I am already great, and I am yet to reach my full potential. Every time you are able to find some humor in a difficult situation, you win., 5. I know that I am stupid but when I look around me I feel a lot better. When our phones fall, we panic; but when our friends fall, we laugh. Every one of my colleagues brings happiness into the office. Why is Monday so far from Friday, and Friday so close to Monday? Best friends eat your food. 261. I said no to drugs, but they just wouldnt listen. The only power you have is the word no. 23. I see food, and I eat it. Youre talking to yourself. Effective pushing often involves poop. 230. Not me, but somebody does. The most important thing to remember when using positive affirmations is that it is all about how you feel. My future is a golden, sparkly, explosion of fucking awesomeness. 9. Im sorry that Im not updating my Facebook status, my cat ate my mouse. 115. You may feel a little embarrassed and vulnerable. 3. Why couldnt the leopard play hide and seek? It's OK to take a break. The world needs people like me to keep things interesting!, 15. 170. "Change is not a four letter word but often your reaction to it is!". Hes dreaming too. I should have theme music every time I enter a room. Your mind will naturally focus more on the positive things that happen that day rather than the negatives. Your actions become your habits. If you dont succeed at first, hide all evidence that you tried. Sam Levenson Stop texting me in the middle of texting you, now I have to change my text. 49. 177. 116. The rest are too expensive. 40 Apology Paragraph For Her To Say Im Sorry, 80 Cute Relationship Quotes For Sweet Couples In Love, 50 Doubt In Relationship Quotes To Rebuild Trust, 75 Sad Broken Relationship Quotes To Fix Your Heartbreak, 70 Relationship Honesty Quotes On Love, Trust & Loyalty, 80 Relationship Sorry Quotes To Apologize To Your Love, 65 Disney Quotes About Family That Will Warm Your Heart, 90 Best Shrek Quotes From The Funny Ogre Movie, 80 Blended Family Quotes To Share With Your Loved Ones, 90 Female Fitness Quotes For Women Who Workout. He who laughs last didnt get it. Every day is a gift, thats why they call it the present. It makes them so damned mad. Work smarter, not for owning iPhones, but for not fearing their breaks. 52. 14. Sincerely, yourself., 2. A best friend is like a four leaf clover, hard to find, lucky to have. 214. Sometimes the M is silent. 9. Benjamin Franklin. Repeat the affirmation as many times as you see fit. They shape our present and have an impact on our future. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); Should I Send My Child to Therapy? Here are the 200 best sarcastic quotes, from funny comments, sayings, and phrases dripping with snarky sarcasm. Dont drink to forget me, youll end up seeing me double. - Bette Midler. I personally love watching masters of comedy, Feel free to pick a few of these affirmations and say them to yourself the next time youre. If I won the award for laziness, I would send somebody to pick it up for me. My diet for today: 1% food, 99% Halloween candy. Not saying I hate you, but if your face was on fire and I had a glass of water, Id drink it. Of course, I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice. 62. First, the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me. Its alright if you dont agree with me, I cant force you to be right. 267. 5. I eat cake because its someones birthday somewhere today. 159. Why cry for someone when you can laugh next to someone else? Life always offers you a second chance. Youre basically a houseplant with complicated emotions., 11. 162. I attacked the floor and I believe I am winning. Because they make up everything. Let these funny affirmation quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day. What do you get when you cross a fish and an elephant? An apple a day keeps anyone a way, if you throw it hard enough. I dont go crazy, I am crazy. Sorry, I didnt pick up my phone, I got carried away dancing to the ringtone. 148. Sometimes I am so freaking awesome, I blow my own mind. My room is like the Bermuda triangle, stuff goes in and is never seen again. 109. What is Mozart doing right now? Papercut: A trees final moment of revenge. My six pack is protected by a layer of fat. Socrates. 45. 108. How do astronomers organize a party? My goal this weekend is to move, just enough so people dont think Im dead. 16. I intend to live forever. Life does a pretty good job of keeping us stressed and worried, we dont need our internal dialogue to pile on too. To the guy who created imaginary numbers in math: I hate you. 7. 7. 253. I noticed his watch and said that it runs slow. 121. Today, I laughed until my abs started hurting, so I can skip the gym. Common sense is like deodorant, those who need it the most never use it. Its not important to win, its important to make the other guy lose. 27. You were too lazy to read that number. Can February march? Heres a list of funny affirmations that will improve your mood instantly. Feel free to pick a few of these affirmations and say them to yourself the next time youre overwhelmed, stressed, or just dealing with negative self-talk.

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