unemployed husband won't do housework

Respect, responsibility and appreciation. And to boot, Im seeing men on this board complaining that their women are not working! Is your husbands role in their lives good for them, on balance? So she met this man, a former classmate at the university, and less than 6 months later they were married. I still work full time! He had not been a saver and so my own financial canniness actually came back and bit me big time. Every day that this goes on longer I have a harder time holding my tongue. In fact if they really want to find a entry level job, they dont need to list their high education background to give the employer excuse to refuse them. We have since had to eat away at the savings we werent going to touch, and my credit card is about $3,000 from being back at the limit. I have just read all these comments and cried. It is your home that you inhabit and your live that you must optimise for yourself and those that want to actively contribute to it. three days later he gets an in person interview for a software job. "If you're going to be married and you're a woman, you just better be prepared to be the one that is the linchpin because, fair or not, most women that I know, that's the way it is," Tamara said. Not sure whats goin on with a dude who has had 7 jobs in a short period of time.. He does no housework, thats my job he always reminds and the outside is his.. The only time he slows down is when he gets a migraine from all the stress. I dont know what else to do. The truth is most of us who have men who are unemployed and not really caring about the stress we feel We KNOW that we should run. But things he does that arent money related actually are. This thread has been alive for 7 yearsand the excuses just keep coming in for why some people choose to live off of the work of others around them. A few hundred dollars a month maybe sometimes! I told him this the same day that August 1 was my last day and this gives him six months to find a job. Finally, you may need to come to a place of acceptance. To the point whenever I was interested in purchasing something, I cancelled my plans by telling myself It is better to give the money to my sister. I would ask home to help me pick them up and he would get mad and tell me Im lazy and half passed and I expect him to pick up the slack. on housework when their husband is unemployed. It is now 1.5 years since he quit and his business has not even started. So, no excuses. After 9 months of his employment we could not afford our mortgage so we sold our house in city and moved to a regional suburb . Wow. Its like shes given up on herself. So, dear partners, be good to yourself and feed your mind, body, and soul. I work in retail and yeah, the job sucks but I do what I have to do. I soooo desperately need some advice and am very isolated and alone in this. He had a job, but no car and lived with a friend. But one mum has found herself struggling to cope as her partner is "so lazy" he refuses to lift a finger to help her around the house. She is 27, unemployed and lost her uncle and mother in the last 2 years I dumped him. Doing the Mostis a special series about ambition how we define it, harness it, and conquer it. I do not respect him at all but I do love him. You are not comprehending what these women are posting apparently. I pray for God to send me a si gn for guidance and strength. And lets consider an element you didnt: Your kids happiness. I feel as though he has done this too himself and I no longer want to help him I feel taken advantage of. I feel for all the ladies that are the bread winners as the husbands get to a stage that they just give up as they cannot get work. Seems like most of society moved on, but were stuck. I have no idea what employers want anymore. This will prevent a world of problems for you later. If I suddenly won the lottery would I be the good guy again? He seems hopeful but as hes on edge as hes waiting to for news about the training. i dont know if youll ever see this. What a rant, I know, but I feel so full of disappointment, sh*t or get off the pot. Tennessee Bans Drag Shows in Public Places. There would be no other option if we were thrown out, other than maybe living in a hotel but we have 3 dogs, 1 of which is an outside dog. I dont look at him with love anymore just anger mostly. Feel as though Im enabling the behavior as I continue to stay . By continuing to browse our site you agree to our use of data and cookies. I am at the end of my rope. She promised me that it was something she could do and would finish. I know some of the things you are thinking right now. Permission to publish granted to GoodTherapy.org. The coarseness of her attitude is misleading. I am currently in a relationship that has been going since i was in the 10th grade. Now I am extra disappointed that so many of these chores still fall to me on top of my demanding job. I have also been seeing a therapist who tells me that I have to look after myself. I was just googl eing the things..how people feel when mens lost their jobs. Anticipate Roadblocks. My boyfriend moved in with me back in 2010; has held a bunch of jobs for not much more than 90 days. There are no jobs in that area.. All the while Ive worked thru surgeries, broken legs, rolling around In a chair at work just so we could survive ..he doesnt cook but did get better at food shopping. For as long as you have to deal with the unemployment monster, I hope that you give yourself space and time to find ways to take care of yourself. Hes 31 and Im 23. Eats all my food and i LITERALLY have to share everything with him! Those two percentages used to be not perfectly even, but at least somewhat closer to 50/50. I feel so bad as my parents are paying for the majority of our wedding and they see that I am currently paying for everything else, and I fear that they then disapprove of him. Filing for a divorce. One of the interviewers said to me, You have a masters degree and you want to serve me coffee? ), Dont assume that your partner should just get it. Tell them its bothering you, Smith said. In fact when I gave him this test he seemed to become annoyed-angry and I didnt get a vibe that he was an even tempered type of person. Not easy but hang in there. Like others have said you try and be supportive as much as you can, but sometimes I just want to scream and yell and go and find him a job myself. I am allowing his frustration and anger to affect how I treat and feel about myself. Hes not taking care of a sick mother, or disabled or injured. Even if we love someone we have to love ourselves and do what is best for the family as a whole not just one individual. plays video games, watches movies, youtubes, and plays with his cat. Your pissed stay pissed and move it to the next level. Heres an idea, if you need to change something about yourselfGO CHANGE IT! So this has been tremendously difficult for me but he does not care. I feel old, I feel that my opportunities are dwindling away, thats how much I have became embroiled and involved in my sisters financial survival. We are already not doing birthdays. I work at home as a medical transcription. But when Im the only one working for months on end, and I come home to a huge mountain of laundry that hasnt budged and hes sipping a beer watching the hockey game, I want to scream. I was too nice in my divorce settlement and despite having fibromyalgia and rigid muscles, we had more or less an even split. How can she let herself give up when Ive spent the last 6 years carrying her! He is not good with money at all, and I cant make him stick to a budget. As a 52 year old with a chequered history of work due to my ill health, it is really hard to find decent employment part-time. They dont understand how flooded the market is, how few jobs are open and how picky everyone is being. Try to find out what he likes that he can make money out off.some people they dont like waking up early and face one thing the whole day but are good in business. We have now been here 7 months. I know exactly how you feel. A few months before i went back to work after having my son, all his money was gone and he had no job. Hi I am Mrs Y too, yet I am not the wife I am the girlfriend. He says he worked for 20yrs i can support him for a while. My husband has been unemployed for almost 8 years, since 2008. In an ideal world, your partner would recognize the hot mess your household would be if you werent handling it all. Validate your husband's feelings. It's likely that you both done place equal importance on household chores. Your marriage will definitely continue to deteriorate if things continue this way. Patient through him not getting right on it after he lost his job waiting close to 8 months before starting his search. He may mark down the things in mobile but still forget from time to time. It will continue, as long as you enable him to keep doing nothing. If one of you prefers to do chores on the weekend and the other wants to relax, this can lead to anger and resentment from both sides. I am 21, and she just turned 27. Now I have no qualms about women who want to work and have careers, etc But sadly, it affected almost all marriages and families into believing it was also the womans job to work outside the home.AND inside as well. Hes can be completely normal one minute and irritable and angry the next. I seriously am at my wits end. I have a stressful job and everyone in my immediate family is either in jail or unemployed, so Im really tired of always being needed, of never getting a break. Honourably I had not gone for the kill in a divorce settlement. More than anything, I am so so so tired. What if he was employed for over 15 years with one employer, laid off due to lack of work, and employed again for one year; then quit that job?? Am I crazy? Its incredibly concerning that when you express your needs, he goes right to your mental illnessas though him not contributing is your deficit. I had become very clingy and dependent and had developed what I didnt know was called learned helplessness. I pay 2/3 of the rent and cable/internet, she pays the very minimal utilities. Participate in life, or make everyones life easier and get out. All this adds to my frustration because I definitly feel like its necessary for me to find work and I cant do a damn thing about it. Here are a few examples of how we do it: My husband takes out the garbage and the recycling, which I hate and he doesnt mind. I made the mistake of doing it all to save arguments and all it got me was years of bitterness towards him and myself. Anything helps. Good luck to all the other partners out there dealing with the same situation. Jan 14, 2016 Updated Jan 20, 2017. The loving man I know changed into a clingy child whose temper and mood swings rival those women on soap operas. You know them. I want 2 have an advice whether i should continue 2 live with him or just leave him if 2 days i dont go 2 work im bored at home but he.. he dont go 2 work for TWO years any1 there for a good advice? We have no savings due to spending a lot of money repairing our apartment after a major leak in the roof. And no connection in new placed. I was hoping for 10 or even 20x that. We still have sex but even that is not so great anymore. When the baby is born.. I am 27 and almost two years ago I quit my full time (well-paying) office job to go back to school and become a nurse. The only real difference with them not being here is I wouldnt have to constantly see them lounging around and doing nothing.. Listening to all of your stories, I am asking God is there any relief for us? However as I reflect back to most of last year when I wasnt working and staying home with our toddler child, it really made me upset that he did not step up to the plate and gained some sort of employment. You have to remember that, as a woman, a wife and possibly a mother, you already have work to do. He is also a parent and should be contributing to the raising of the child you two created together. Some people think that to get these figures on unemployment, the government uses the number of people collecting unemployment insurance (UI) benefits under state or federal government programs. I am from shillong. My husband was a good provider for over 30 years and now has been unemployed for 2 years and not finding anything. I do all the cleaning, cooking, housework, laundry he just spends. Heres another thing that gets me: As for me Im about to run with the wind. As you said, you are not stupid. Some chronically unemployed people find themselves in hopeless situations. I hope that when you attend your parents funeral one day that this doesnt come to haunt you. Im self employed. Anyways, even that gets tiring because medical studies is like anything else, its not consistent, and its up and down, depending on if my husband keeps his weight down and his vitals right! Self-care means honoring the other facets of your personality and life, thereby diminishing the attention given to the unemployment monster. If you feel like you are in crisis, and are located in the US, there are several nationwide services, hotlines, and clinics that can offer support specific to your situation. This is CRAP advice. I surely appreciate this internet site.

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